the end's not near
by dress without sleeves
Summary: AU. 5 ways Season 3 could have ended. Because a year later, I am still not okay with Marissa dying.


**Author's Notes:** This is my last one. I swear. But I hate the way the show ended and I had to make it right!

the end's not near

_I know! I know!_

_I really can't stop!_

1.

She almost doesn't go. He drives her all the way to the dock and she stands peering up at the boat and she almost just turns around and goes home.

But Marissa can feel Ryan beside her, his knuckles brushing hers, and he doesn't look at her when he mumbles, "I'll be here when you get back."

He squeezes her hand once and kisses her cheek. And she thinks that this is her chance to do something good for him, for once, to get out of Newport and try to fix whatever it is that broke inside her so that when she comes back, maybe they can . . .

"I'll write," she promises, stepping forward as he steps back.

"This isn't forever," he adds.

She glances over her shoulder at him and smiles, already feeling the seaspray on her face. "Nothing is forever," she says.

2.

He wakes up in the hospital. It's the scariest thing he's ever done.

Ryan tries to figure out where he is-- why-- and then it all comes crashing back (what an appropriate word). He tries to leap out of bed but he can't, his body won't listen.

Then he remembers, and shakes his head, sitting up in the chair he'd dozed off in. Marissa is awake, her eyes barely open. She offers a weak little smile. "I'm sorry," she whispers, and her voice breaks. "If I hadn't-- Volchok-- "

He shakes his head, silencing her, sitting on the edge of the bed and offering a hand. She takes it but her fingers are weak and limp between his. "Marissa," he says firmly. "Don't blame yourself for what he did to you."

"And to you," she adds, a tear slipping out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-- "

He lets her cry. He thinks that maybe she needs to. But when she quiets he squeezes once and jokes, "Maybe I should thank the guy. Now I'm not going to lose you."

Her smile is weak and her laughter full of breath and sighs, but he figures that maybe it's a start.

3.

Her first steps are a stumble. She wonders idly how long it takes to get your land-legs back (whatever that might mean). She sees them before they see her, and is for once thankful for her height.

Then Summer turns, and they are both screaming and running and stumbling and it's legs and arms and hair in her mouth but who the hell cares, anyway.

"You're _back_!" Summer's shrieking, "You're back you're back you're _back_!"

She laughs and nods and cries, and doesn't let go until Summer does. Seth's wide smile kisses her cheek and awkwardly gives her a hug; she's surprised how glad she is to see him.

Ryan emerges from behind the two brunettes, his face stretched in a wide smile. "Hey," he says. "Who're you?"

She laughs, throwing herself into his arms and squeezing tightly. "Whoever you want me to be," she whispers, and means it.

4.

He goes to the airport. The pink Berkeley sweater is all he can see of her except that hair, half-heartedly curly and down just past her chest, and he _does_ feel bad about Taylor but--

Ryan reaches out and touches her shoulder. "Mar_issa_ . . .?"

She turns and frowns, cocking her head at him but he doesn't care because she's alive. "Umm . . . can I help you?"

He can't say anything, not for a good five seconds, and he's half-glad when Taylor jumps in for him and says that he's very sorry, you probably don't know him, he was sent by your mother to pick you up, he's Sandy's nephew from Boston.

He's too busy staring and trying not to burst into Seth-Cohen-esque tears to shake her hand and it's not until she's started moving that he actually snaps back into reality-- er, alternate reality-- and says breathlessly, "I'm sorry. You just reminded me of someone. Can I get your bags?"

He carries them to the car and they talk about music and Jack Keroac and he finds that it's easy to make her laugh when he already knows all her favorite jokes. They talk about life in places like Newport and laugh about water polo players when she says she used to date one. He says he wants to be an architect and realizes that, for the first time since the other Marissa died, he actually does.

He charms Sandy and Julie and when Marissa goes out to a family dinner he tags along and talks to Seth. He mentions On The Road and both Marissa and Seth say it's their favorite book, and then suddenly it's like it was in the beginning.

That night Taylor sneaks to his window where the Cohens (the new Cohens, not the ones he remembers but he'll make do, he can make it right) put him up. "We have to go back," she tells him fiercely. "You can't stay here forever."

He cocks his head at her as she starts to fade away. "Why not?" He asks. He kisses her cheek and shuts the window.

If he's quiet, he can hear Marissa's music in the next room.

5.

"Please. Don't go," she begs, and he doesn't. He lies down beside her and tries to keep his eyes open, hands still wrapped around her body. His mind shouts that he can't, not now, think of Seth and the Cohens and Summer and his Mom and his future--

He couldn't fight it if he wanted to. His eyes fall closed and anyway, he promised.

It's not like falling asleep. He doesn't drift or rock or conk out. He just sort of . . . shifts, and then he's sitting up but leaving his body behind.

Marissa is sitting on the side of the road, her arms wrapped around her knees, staring at nothing. There are ambulances and sirens and noise and he walks through them all without much thought.

"Oh, Ryan," she whispers, letting him hold her. "I can't believe . . ." she gestures helplessly. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. For once, who cares. "What happens now?" He asks, and there's a twist in his chest when he thinks of Seth.

She shrugs. "I don't know. But I'm glad I'm with you."

He takes her hand, and they walk slowly from the wreckage. It doesn't occur to either of them to look back.


End file.
